


Soda Pop

by roo17



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack?, Humor, Mentions of Suicide, Out of Character, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-22
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-22 21:16:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4850819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roo17/pseuds/roo17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were days where Law hated his life. Then there were days where he just wanted to throw himself off a bridge or building. Oddly enough, today he actually decided to try to jump. (Humor, believe it or not!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soda Pop

Law hated his life. But that was to be expected, seeing as the Universe gave him one hell of a hard time growing up. He was the only survivor from Frevance (a large wild fire – no one survived, oddly enough), his guardian Rocinante ended up being murdered by his own brother (Doflamingo couldn't stand being ignored by his brother because Cora decided to pay more attention to some 'brat' he adopted), all his friends had perished in a boating 'accident' (thanks, uncle Doffy), a man named Vergo was making his life a living hell (stop breaking into my house and switching all my rice with bread, damn it!), and his boss was an absolute  _dick._  (Akainu, why did you have to take over Sengoku's job? Why not let Kuzan take over? Why?)

And today was just one of those days where jumping off a building seemed like the best way to deal with everything.

He would have jumped off a bridge, but then he realized all the bridges in the area were right in the middle of the city. And the last thing he wanted was onlookers and people trying to talk him down. Not only that, but he most  _certainly_  wasn't going to drive across the country just to find an old abandoned bridge to end his life. (Gas was  _expensive_  after all, and if his attempt failed, that would be a  _shit ton of gas_  he wasted.)

So there he stood, on top of an abandoned building in a part of town where absolutely no one ever came around. He stared at the horizon for a while, taking in the sun's beautiful rays and the greenery of the surrounding trees. It really was a beautiful sight. The birds were singing, the clouds were clouding, everything was perfect.

"Hey! What are you doing?!"

And then suddenly everything was  _un-_ perfect.

Law looked down in disbelief. Unbelievable.  _Why_  was someone  _here?!_   _No one_  came here! Did the Universe hate him so much that he couldn't even commit suicide in peace?! The hell, Universe?! The  _hell?!_  "Are you going to jump?!"

 _No,_  Law thought sarcastically.  _I'm just standing on the edge of a building to see if aliens will abduct me._

"Don't jump! There's so much to live for!"  _Oh? Like what? Please, enlighten me, oh wise one._  "Like, soda pop! And ice cream! A-And meat! Loooots of meat!" And was this person actually being serious? They were, weren't they. They were being totally and completely serious. Law wanted to laugh at how pathetic of a job the person down below was doing at trying to talk him down. Food? Really? "There's also sandwiches!"

Law's eyes narrowed. Bread? Fuck that shit. He moved one foot over the edge of the building. "O-Or not! No sandwiches!" Law brought his foot back to the building, and the person down below let out a breath of relief. "There's, uh…uuhhhmmm….oni giri! Yeah! Rice balls! Steaming rice with grilled fish in the middle! Wow, that actually sounds really good right about now," the person mused. Law's stomach growled. Shit, now he was getting hungry. "Anyway, if you come down, I'll treat you to lunch!"

What the hell, why not. It was free food,  _nobody_  passed up free food. Not even Trafalgar I'm-so-fucking-cool-that-you're-jealous Law passed that shit up. Coming away from the edge of the building, he took the stairs back to the ground floor and exited to see who it was that managed to talk him down. It was a scrawny teen with owlish eyes and a larger-than-life grin.

He looked like a fucking idiot.

"You actually came down!  _Great!_  Now, let's go get some food and soda pop!" The teen grabbed Law's wrist and proceeded to drag him all over the city in search of finding a restaurant with reasonable prices.

And ever since that day, Trafalgar Law regretted not jumping from the building.

Because he had been right.

The teen was a fucking idiot.

And now he wouldn't leave "Traffy" alone.

The constant whining, the utter need to always  _touch_ , the horrifyingly embarrassing situations...

It  _so_  wasn't worth the free soda pop.

At all.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I honestly don't know where this came from. I think I got the idea from that movie The Other Guys. It came as the idea of Luffy yelling, "Don't jump! You have so much to live for! Like Soda Pop!" XD I don't think this really counts as a crack!fic or a parody. So I just put it under humor. It's small and stupid, but hey? ...I don't know what to say. :P Weirdly, though, this is probably one of my favorite works. Which is bizarre, seeing as I criticize my work so much that I can't really find myself to like most of it.
> 
> *also, I don't know where you guys live, but here in Hawaii, gas got pretty freakin' expensive, thus the reason that one line was added into the story.
> 
> Your shy ice elemental,  
> ~»roo the psycho«


End file.
